3/3/18

It is 2am on a Sunday morning, how quickly does the weekend go! Hello all, hope you’ve had a lovely day and the weekend has been kind to you. I have spent today doing not much and I have enjoyed it thoroughly if I’m honest.

On the plus side, I’ve learnt the bulk of my IRP and while reading over it in so much detail has outlined the vast expanses of plot holes, if you will, in my writing, at least I can say it’s mostly memorised. This has been a long time coming, so I’m glad to have finally done it, but my ability to speak, completely avoiding the question I’ve proposed is both amusing and infuriating to no end. I am sure she will ask me to rewrite it again, but I have no intention on changing it radically at this point.

I also did my French speaking homework which is good, but it took me a lot longer than it should have done. My procrastination levels seem to be at an all time high and I’m baffled at how little I can do despite sitting at my desk for the majority of the day. As far as any other subject is concerned, I’m afraid I have made no progress whatsoever, even though I really want to get on with making biology notes on the rest of this component we’re doing as I think we will be struggling to finish everything before the exam.

The rest of my day has been dedicated to thinking and reflecting. I have found myself craving nature today, craving experiences and craving solitude. I am constantly blown away by how toxic interaction with certain people can be and while I am all for the idea of cutting the toxic people out of your life, it can sometimes be the ones who have wriggled their way in, made a home next to your bedside and slowly started rotting away, their smiles slowly turning into toothy, selfish grins. I mean to say that it’s sometimes the ones closest to us who have become injurious to our health and it’s harder to cut these people out, these people with their own issues and fragility, causing knock on effects that you must consider before making such a decision.

Please stay away from people who do this to you. Phase them out of your life slowly if need be, but do not keep going back to one-sided friendships with people who are so caught up in themselves, they no longer have time for you. Help to the extent you can but don’t let them expect you to change their life.

In relation to these thoughts, I have been feeling the need to be alone a lot more. I see my brother constantly talking to his friends and I look on with a strange mixture of envy and gratefulness. Envy because I would also like such close connections but gratefulness because maybe I haven’t found the right people to vibe with just yet. I wish for a day my friendships become more like family, but I wait patiently. While I wait, I appreciate the solitude.

Okay, that was a bit long and not even tangentially related to what I was supposed to talk about.

My study goals for tomorrow are:
– Consolidate my memorisation of the IRP
– Find some research for the IRP and write a list of questions
– Mark that C3 paper I did two days ago (!)
– Look over some statistics stuff for maths
– Make some biology notes
– Watch the biology Youtube videos on the next few topics to gain some footing on what we will be covering next

Again, a long list today. Realistically, I will only get the first three things done but let’s pretend it’ll go well!

See you all tomorrow, for another glum Sunday post; this extra long weekend has truly spoiled me. Goodbye.

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