18/3/18

Hi all! Hope this Sunday has been nice for everyone.

Tonight I am in silk pyjamas, listening to sad French music, having eaten a lot of ice cream. Yup. It’s one of those nights. My day has been mediocre at best because I wasted so much time doing other things today. I made bread sticks (which actually turned out kind of delicious) and I had a very long shower, contemplating life. I am coming to terms with how much time I have wasted this weekend and I am really ashamed of it, but there’s nothing I can do now. I have to strive to stop wasting time like this now. My time management is clearly such a mess, even my mum made a point about how I should be spending more time studying.

I did all my French homework for tomorrow and my French speaking homework and I’m hoping to spend the next half hour recapping my chemistry notes from last year. I feel like chemistry is best learned through actually doing questions but I’m really not in the mood right now so maybe tomorrow.

My study goals for tomorrow are:
– do my chemistry homework after college tomorrow
– In my frees tomorrow try and get started on my Application notes for biology
– Do all my French listening homework that’s due in on Wednesday

I am feeling super panicked because time is really catching up to me now and I am not acting like I should. I’m not sure why I’m not doing anything despite the alarm in my head that only seems to get worse as I write here.

In other news, the weather is so terrible. While the snow has stopped, it’s absolutely freezing outside and I just don’t want to leave my bed. Even the house feels so cold, I was walking around with my coat on before.

Also I am so upset to see that I’ve been gaining weight so much recently. This is extremely frustrating and I can actually see me ruining myself because I simply cannot stop eating. I’m not sure what’s wrong with me but I am in such a bad state of mind right now, like I’m watching everything go badly and I’m kind of sitting here shrugging my shoulders and munching on something new. Let me turn my sad French music up and ignore everything even more.

I know I really jump randomly from topic to topic but on another note, I think I am going to delete the social media apps from my phone for a while. It’s not worth it right now and I think social media in general has such a toxic effect anyways on people so I see no reason to continue, especially during exam season. The stronger my desire to cut people out gets, the stronger my alter persona seems to crave attention and it’s taking a toll on me. I will mull this decision over in my mind for a while before I take any drastic measures, but I hope I will delete everything soon.

Thank you all for reading the downward slope that is my life. Hope yours is heading up!

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