14/4/18

Your girl is back with a vengeful desire to succeed but no actions to back it up!

I’m not going to lie, my mindset today has been very bad and apocalyptic because I am really feeling the effects of the downward spiral I seem to be going through. Worse, however, is the looming dread of college starting on Monday. Tomorrow is the last day of the holidays and I am feeling it in full force, unfortunately.

Just the thought of college in general makes me stressed and I would do anything to extend these holidays for a few weeks longer. I know exams are coming up and honestly I think once I get down to it I’ll be fine for them, but as of right now, I can’t deal with lessons and the stress of day-to-day social interaction, which is actually more exhausting than subject content.

My day today was not productive in the slightest (trying to rephrase it from the past few days where I’ve been expressing this exact notion in other words). I did my maths homework but I actually completely forgot to write it up neatly in my book, and I started looking over some past topics for the French speaking exam (in 2 weeks folks!) So as you can see, I have done nothing. Remind me why I chose four subjects again please, because I’m losing my motivation at this point.

I feel so detached from myself at the moment, it’s almost like watching someone else through a screen and watching her shrug it off while from this side of the screen I’m screaming at her to get herself into gear.

My study goals for tomorrow are:
– Copy up maths homework into my book
– Make more French speaking revision sheets for at least the next 3 topics on my list
– Memorise the IRP again!
– Tie up loose ends with French homework
– Mark and correct all the maths papers set for homework (this has been on my to do list for a solid three days and I’ve just kept putting it off)
– If I have time then I need to start on my component 1 notes for biology

In terms of other, general things to do, I really need to clean my desk because it is the messiest, most chaotic shambles that I’ve ever had to face. There are four distinct stacks of folders and loose sheets and plastic wallets and question papers and it’s messing with my head a little right now. I’m planning on fixing it up a little bit tonight before I sleep and then finishing the rest of it before I start working tomorrow morning.

I really hope tomorrow is more productive for me because my emotions are all over the place. Stressed doesn’t even cover it.

Hope you have all been well and things are looking up in your life. I will speak to you all tomorrow.

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