20/4/18

Hi guys! I’m intending to do a shorter update than usual today because I am so eagerly awaiting my bed right now.

So today was another day that left me feeling upset and like I wanted to pull my hair out. I think the realisation of exams being so close and mocks being T-minus 2 days away really properly hit home after I got so bored trying to figure biology out. I don’t know what it is, my mind will just not focus these days, and the prospect of so many mocks coming up is stressing me out big time.

I stayed in college for a while after I finished my lessons working on biology but admittedly, I was weak and left earlier than I intended to. I did some more biology revision when I got home and then did a hard C3 paper, which honestly makes me feel like I’m going to get a big, fat zero on the C3 mock! Maths has really been worrying me recently, but I just need to focus on biology and chemistry for the time being because those two mocks are on Monday and I don’t think I can do a whole paper without looking through my notes. Especially with those chemistry organic reactions, I am so clueless half the time, I don’t know what I’m going to do.

Honestly, I could cry right now. I don’t think I’ve ever been this stressed in my whole life before. If I thought I knew stress before then this is a whole other can of worms. Especially since I found out today that there’s going to be a mock for the C2 paper that I’m resitting on Friday afternoon so I need to get my head down for that, and there have been some issues surrounding the oral language exams because apparently we won’t be given two topics to choose from and they make us pick blindly. If that is truly the case then I need to learn some more about the French Occupation, as that’s one of my weakest topics in French.

So, nothing new really, I’m stressed and exhausted, which is probably something I’ve said every single day this past week. Wow, A-Levels are so much harder than people seem to think. 5 mocks next week, which we have to absolutely smash, but my attitude has been so negative lately, and I don’t know how to bring it back up. Normally despite everything I can keep my mental state decent but these past few days have really changed me.

Tomorrows study goals are:
– Power through biology past paper questions
– Power through chemistry past paper questions
– Mark all the questions I do as I go along and actually make the corrections the next time I encounter the topic again
– Do a C4 paper when I come home

I’m heading to the library bright and early tomorrow, which is why I am eager to finish this as soon as I can and go to sleep. I will definitely be sleeping in on Sunday though, and I know I can only do that feeling satisfied if my revision tomorrow goes well.

In trying to only acknowledge a positive way of thinking, I want to make some affirmations to myself:
– I am more than capable of achieving a good grade on every exam I do and I have proven this in the past
– I am very prepared for exams
– I have been doing revision for a long time and the results will show in my grades

Thank you all for reading, it feels like I have some kind of audience to witness my messy downward spiral but I hope my attitude doesn’t affect yours negatively. I wish you a successful, productive and fun weekend! Hope you’re enjoying the weather where you are because the weather here has been absolutely stunning these past few days!

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