Today has been beyond unproductive for me as I’ve really done nothing besides the bare minimum. It’s been a day mainly focusing on French so I did my speaking homework and worked through a few speaking cards because my exam is on THURSDAY! It feels so much more real now because by the end of this next week I will have completed French speaking for good. It’s so crazy to think about and I’m actually getting very worried for the exam because I feel so unprepared in general for it.
I am absolutely dreading college this week since we’ll probably be getting our mock results back over the next few days. I know it’s so stupid because we need them back as soon as possible and I can see exactly where I need to focus more effort on but I don’t know what I’m going to do if I’ve done badly on them. At this point in the course, I need a pat on the back, a ‘hey, you’re going along the right lines’ but I fear the reality is extremely different.
I am trying to make everyday count from now on (even though I’m sure I’ve said this various times before) and I hope the homework load eases up a bit so I can focus on revision. I know I really messed up the C3 exam for maths and I’m very worried about my biology and chemistry results too, so these are things I need to work on. Last night I had a nightmare actually about my biology mock result which was very off-putting and I feel drained from the stress. With my French speaking exam coming up too, I’ve been doing nothing but French and slaving away at my flashcards.
The most important thing during this time period is to keep a cool head and stay focused on taking tasks one at a time but nights like these, I feel like my mind can only replay potential worst case scenarios. Sundays always fill me with a sense of dread and I am worried, more about my mindset than even my revision status.
I’m not sure whether you all have heard about the Law of Attraction but it is basically the idea that having positive (or negative) thoughts manifests into your life as positive (or negative) experiences. I’ve been doing a little bit of research into this and I feel like it’s something I can get on board with. The complete, absolute acceptance of a positive belief, while taking the necessary steps to achieve it, should ideally show the results you hope for. I will have to tell you guys more about it once I’ve done more research myself and started applying it into my life more wholesomely. If any of you have any interesting information about the Law of Attraction to share then please tell me! I’d love to hear real views and opinions on it.
So I think the best course of action for tonight is honestly to just go to bed, because my mindset feels too negative, too apocalyptic to continue revising effectively tonight. I know I’ve barely done anything today but I hope I can make up for it tomorrow.
My study goals for tomorrow are:
– Work on more French speaking cards in my frees tomorrow
– Do a little bit more research for my IRP
– Work on chemistry when I get home (notes and a past paper maybe)
I know I say this so often, but I just feel exhausted with college and with exams, and with trying my best and still feeling like it’s not good enough. Education at this stage feels so restricted and forced, but I know that once I am in a field I want to be in, learning new things without such tight controls surrounding them will be fun.
I hope your weekend has been good and you are ready for the week ahead! I will speak to you all tomorrow, as always!