7/5/18

Hello everyone, looks like the long weekend has come to an end so soon. Too soon.

I did a bit more work today than yesterday but really nothing to write home about. The panic is definitely there but it’s not being shown in my actions. I didn’t finish my stats notes because I did the whole chapter of probability and honestly, I was just so bored. Instead, I did the first stats paper because I thought applying it in real life would be more effective, but I know I should probably get those notes done at some point soon. It will be easy to have something to refer back to as opposed to rooting through various handouts to find one tiny little subtopic.

I did a few of the biology past paper questions on Microbiology but then I remembered that I haven’t actually corrected my recent component 2 mock and she wants to see it in class tomorrow! So I spent a solid chunk of my evening doing that. Just going back over my paper fills me with a sense of terror because how on earth are we supposed to know what examiners want to see? The truth is, there are so many details or suggestions that could be made to explain certain things yet they will only accept one thing. This is no longer application, this is a form of mind reading.

My faith is the education system is weakening day by day and my motivation has plummeted so badly. I am trying to stay positive about everything but I just feel like lying in bed and crying. It’s so silly but I really feel like it’s a matter of luck and the questions we get on the day. You write in excessive detail to make sure you cover every possible aspect and teachers have a problem, you write not enough detail and they have a problem, and it’s making me angry.

That is how I feel today: I feel angry.

It’s just gone midnight so I am going to pack my bag for tomorrow and go to bed. Tuesdays are quite long and tedious days for me in terms of college, so I need all my energy to get through tomorrow.

My study goals are:
– Finish the second Populations task sheet in my frees tomorrow
– Hopefully continue my Component 1 past paper questions during my frees too
– Do some chemistry past paper questions when I get home
– Write my essay for French
– Do the second stats paper

My focus will be on chemistry tomorrow evening and I also really want to get that essay done and over with. I’m planning to just do biology during my frees in college so I can do a substantial amount of that and not have it leak into my evening plans.

That’s my plan for tomorrow. I don’t know if I actually am happy that we had a day off today because I feel like I could have done more if I’d gone to college. I would honestly just like to spend all my free time in a nice, quiet library, being at peace with myself. There seems to be a constant storm raging in me nowadays despite my willingness to succeed and speak my success into existence.

I hope things have been going well for you and all your goals are within reach. Wishing you all health and happiness! I will be back tomorrow.

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