15/6/18

Hello everyone!

Eid Mubarak if you celebrate it! Hope it’s been good for you and Ramadan has treated you well, both physically and spiritually.

My day has been as slow as ever, but no surprises there. I was supposed to go into college today and attend chemistry revision but I woke up this morning and I was not even remotely in the mood to get dressed up and go socialise today. It’s funny, I don’t often feel so strongly about not wanting any interaction, but I couldn’t imagine anything worse than going and sitting in my chemistry class today.

Instead, I stayed at home and had a remotely productive day. Not the best by any stretch of the imagination but I got a Paper 3 Practice Paper done for chemistry and went over Component 3 for biology. I also got some past paper questions out for Component 3 and I’ve been looking back over them. I was planning on doing a bit of C3 maths tonight too but I don’t think it’s going to happen if I’m honest.

Motivation has been super low today because everyone else seems to have finished exams and I feel like I’m just trucking on through, as always, onward to an intense week. I know it’ll feel so fantastic when it’s over and realistically, there’s an equally huge amount of people who haven’t finished exams yet, but I just need a break already. When you work for something for so long, it gets extremely tedious and frustrating and at this point, I just want it all to be over with. I know I should just work as hard as possible for these next few days so I have no regrets, but I honestly feel so resigned right now.

Tomorrow, I am definitely going to head to the library bright and early so I can spend my whole day working and not feel too much pressure to work in the evening. I can’t lie, I am so worried about these upcoming exams, especially French and maths, so I need to up my game so much for these subjects.

My study goals for tomorrow are:
– Complete lots of past paper questions for Component 3 biology, particularly from other exam boards
– Make extra notes on harder Component 3 topics
– Work on C3 questions
– Make brief pointers on the harder aspects of C3
– Mark the chemistry paper I completed this morning
– Read some French news articles
– Try some French translations

That should be enough for tomorrow. My first two exams next week are French (the reading, listening and translation paper) and biology on Monday. It’s so crazy to think that after Monday I’ll be totally finished with A-Level biology.

I hope I’ve not been annoying today with my attitude. I am all for maintaining positivity and keeping hard work up despite any opposing feelings but I suppose I’ve had a moment of weakness today. One of the most frustrating things I feel is the need to do so well and excel at everything I do but it’s been something I’ve been working on changing. I’ve made so many mistakes by simply refusing to acknowledge my mistakes and continuing to do easy things because I can do them and it makes me feel good to be successful, but it has been eye-opening when things end up going wrong in these cases. I have failed at various things over this past academic year, both in an academic sense and a general sense because I couldn’t bear the fact that I cannot be great at something when I do it for the first time. it’s simply not possible.

Despite everything, I hope these days of crippling perfectionism are behind me. I am trying to launch myself headfirst into every mistake I make and work on fixing them. It’s not arrogance that makes me fearful to learn but it feels like very deep rooted shame at even minor failures. I suppose only time can truly tell if I’m learning, though.

Looks like it got a bit heavy today! If there’s anything you should take away from this is that you should take every mistake you make on the chin and accept it wholeheartedly. I know it’s hard and feels weird but you should always be adapting constantly, you should try and remain as open-minded about things as possible.

I think I’m going to head to bed pretty soon because waking up might feel a bit nicer with seven hours of sleep under my belt but also because my head’s in a bit of a funny place right now and I don’t think I could concentrate if I tried. Tomorrow will hopefully be productive and successful so we can finish this exam season with a bang.

Thank you all so much for reading, wishing you a wonderful weekend and I hope you accomplish everything you set out to achieve for the day!

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