Post-Exam Confusion and Other Meaningless Life Updates

I truly loved it until now and I was riding the high of freedom with confidence and smugness but unfortunately, I think the time has finally come.

I think I kind of miss studying.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t miss college in the slightest and I don’t miss exams but what I crave now is an academic purpose once again! Equally, however, I’m not willing to do any advanced study into some of the things that we might be covering in our first year of university, and I’m not really sure why I refuse to do it but I just don’t feel like it yet.

My mum gave me the best advice the other day when I demanded from her, in true Malaikah fashion, enlightenment on what I should do now because things have been so dull and she replied “Just chill.” Might not strike you as comical but there’s a different kind of hilarity in my Pakistani mother, who prefers to speak in Urdu, bursting out with a “Just chill.” I think I’m having a bad influence on her.

In other news, I have been trying to deep clean various parts of my room, which is almost creating more mess than I had to begin with because I’m trying to get rid of so many things. I prefer to consider my over-sentimentality as an integral part of my personality but I really need to tone it down because I have so much rubbish that I’ve kept from years ago and it’s cluttering up my life. In a strange turn of events, I think I’m more inclined to throw things out now than ever before because I feel a little bit wronged by the people of my past. I don’t think that makes any sense, even to me, yet but I’m trying to keep things relevant right now and not dwell too much on the past.

In terms of what I’ve been doing these past few weeks, I’ve spent a good time reading (some notable mentions include Child 44 by Tom Rob Smith and Norwegian Wood by Haruki Murakami) and I did a little spot of baking recently too. I’ve been meaning to go to the library for a while now but I’m just putting it off so much and I can’t even explain why.

My feelings have been all over the place recently because I feel bored but equally unwilling to step out of my comfort zone and do things. I will hopefully be volunteering next week though which will be nice for sure as I really need to get out of this house for once.

I don’t really have much else to update you guys on. I haven’t written for my blog in a while because I had a bit of a creativity block, spurred on by my desire for perfection in everything and I took a few days to absorb content that I enjoyed across various platforms so I can regurgitate creativity back out into the world in a new way. Sometimes I think I just need to look at things under a new light and rein in the need for perfection.

Results day is approaching rapidly and it’s 2 weeks and 3 days away as of right now, which is actually really frightening. It’s so crazy how I began this whole blog with a countdown to exams, fearing them and now we’re doing our countdown to results day. Life is a vicious circle sometimes.

That’s it from me. I’ll be back with more for sure, very soon, but hope you’ve enjoyed a quick update on things going on with me.

Thank you all for reading,
Malaikah

 

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